Super 8

 

The Plot: In the summer of 1979 a group of friends making a zombie movie stumble on more than they bargained for. 

My Two-Cents: This movie is every nerds dream.  You're hanging out with your best friends and that cute girl who you might have a chance with, while making a horror movie, sounds good right?  Oh and you also get to uncover a vast conspiracy and save the world, perfect.

While the nerd elements are important, they are not the whole movie.  The movie is really about repairing relationships and coming to terms with loss.  Some of the plot points were predictable and one scene at the end was a bit heavy handed.  That said, I enjoyed the movie and would throughly recommend it. 

The Future of Horror

The final Saw film came out last year marking the end of an era.  Every Halloween for seven years a new film was released.  This was remarkable since few horror films have pulled this off.   Now that they are over, I have to ask "What's Next"? 

Horror films have long been the product of their times and subject to trends.  The success of Saw brought on the trend of the so-called "torture-porn" movies.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre  remake's success has led to countless horror classics being remade.  

What will the next trend in horror be?  I personally think it will be documentary/found footage film.  The Last Exorcism, Paranormal Activity, Quarantine (which was itself a remake of rec) these films have already proven to be successful.  They have small budgets, and yield a great return for the studios.  They also cash in on the reality TV craze that has been going strong for the last few years.  

 I have a feeling that the trend may not last as long in horror though.  Horror fans tend to want something new to shock them, that's why most of the trends don't last that long.  Horror fans also like to have a villain with a face too.  That's something that these found footage/mockumentary films generally lack.  Jason, Freddy, Michael and recently Victor Crowley give the horror fan someone to fear.

I think the found footage has a couple of years left.  After that, who knows?

Three things found in every horror movie house, but rarely in yours

Hopefully you live in the house on the right.

While horror movie tend to change with the times, there are a few things they are behind on.  Some of the most important involve changes in building design and personal hygiene.   So here are a few of the most out of place items in horror movies. 

Well maybe they have these at Sweeny Todd's house.

 1. Straight razors.  Almost every house in a horror movie seems to have baskets of these things just laying around.  They always make for a scary visual, but when was the last time you saw one in real life?  I'm 40 and I've only seen them in horror movies.  It's probably a good thing, I can cut myself with a safety razor, these things would kill me.

They always leave your back to the door too.

2. The claw-foot tub.  The main reason for these is so that the killer can pop up behind the teenage girl and murder her.  I say teenage girl, because in horror movies men never take baths or showers. 

3. The bathroom mirror/medicine cabinet.  Long ago these were replaced with larger mirrors so people would have a place to pose for Facebook pictures.  The only purpose these serve in horror movies is this:

Honorable Mention: Breaker boxes on the outside of the house.  By about 1980 people learned that keeping the controls to the power outside was a bad idea.  Now the psycho has to actually be in the house before he can plunge the heroes into darkness.

Insidious (2011)

Nothing creepier than an evil looking kid.

Director: James Wan
Writer: Leigh Whanell

The Story:  A family discovers that dark spirits have possessed their home and that their son has inexplicably fallen into a coma.   

The Good: The cast does a great job in this movie. 

As if one haunted house wasn't bad enough. 

 Rose Byrne and Patrick Wilson are not only very believable they also make smart choices.  One of the things I really liked about this movie, was that the characters avoided making many of the stereotypical stupid horror movie mistakes. 
To me, the characters that stole the movie were Specs and Tucker. 

Leigh Whannell as, you guessed it "Specs"

Angus Sampson as Tucker

Specs and Tucker are paranormal investigators who get called in to see if the house is truly haunted.  They show using ghostbusting equipment that looks half steam-punk, half MacGyver.  These two low rent ghostbusters are very engaging and I would really like to see a whole movie just about them. 

The Bad: While the characters avoid many horror cliches, the movie does not.  A lot of the scares are simply loud musical cues, and the old black cat scare.  The must have had a very low budget on this because some of the scenes are nothing but black backgrounds and fog. 
When they decide to conduct a seance, things with the psychic take a turn into bat-shit weird that I can't even explain properly.  You'll just have to see it to believe it.

The Ugly: By now everyone has probably seen this scene on the trailer:

It's not polite to point.

The monster here looks very creepy and intimidating.  They really should have kept him in the shadows.  At first the creature is only glimpsed in shadows or psychic drawings.  He's very scary looking in all of those.  Once they finally reveal him, not so much.  Imagine a creature that has  Darth Maul's head on a shirtless male model body, wearing goatskin leggings and there you go. 

The Verdict: This is not a terrible movie, but it doesn't really break any new ground.  It's worth watching, but not something I would see twice.  I would like to see a sequel that focuses on Specs and Tucker's next job though. 

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

One of these statements is untrue.

Director: Albert Pyun
Starring:

• Lee Horsley (yes the same guy who played Matt Houston)  as Talon
• Simon Mac Corkindale (Manimal!) as Prince Mikah 
• Richard Lynch as Cromwell 
• Richard Moll (Bull on Night Court) as Xusia
• Kathleen Beller as Alana 

The Plot:
From the title you may be asking yourself if the movie is some sort of Arthur/Excalibur type story.  No, the reason they titled it that is this:

Didn't see that coming did you?

Yes, Talon has a sword, that FUCKING SHOOTS SWORDS.  Let's see another example of this:

Better than a shotgun.

Do you want to know what makes this even more awesome?  They never explain it at all.  They just act like this was common technology at the time. 

The evil Cromwell, is there anything that Richard Lynch hasn't been in?

The plot is your basic fantasy trope.  A man called Cromwell makes a deal with an evil sorcerer to help conquer Ehdan.

Richard Moll as Xusia, demon sorcerer.

Our hero Talon is the youngest son of good King Richard who rules Ehdan .  The evil Cromwell murders Richard and the queen. Young Talon escapes only to return 11 years later to seek vengeance.  Pretty standard so far. 

I'm here to reclaim my birthright, or eat meat and get laid, whatever.

Talon returns with a group of mercenaries, and they all immediately hit the local whorehouse and mutton hutt.

Why is Frank Fontana here?

Meanwhile Prince Mikah and his sister Alana, are plotting to over through Cromwell and put Mikah on the throne.  They repeatedly say that Mikah is the rightful heir to the throne (pay attention, this will get more disturbing later).  Mikah and Alana are attacked by the Cromwell's men and Mikah is captured. 

I saved you, now have sex with me.

Alana is cornered in an alley and about to be gang raped by Cromwell's men when Talon arrives and saves her.    Our gallant hero then agrees to help rescue her brother and depose the king, but only if Alana will "Get perfumed and pretty" and have sex with him.  So right away we get to see what a truly noble guy Talon is.  Nothing like saving a woman from rape and then extorting sex from her.  Now let's think about the even more disturbing part.  If Prince Mikah is a rightful heir to the throne and Alana is his sister, wouldn't that make them both related to Talon in some way?  Yeah, they really glossed over that one.  Also, shouldn't Talon speak up and say "Hey, I'm the son of the king that was killed".  I would think that would be worth mentioning to a group of rebels. Although maybe not if you were extorting sex from your relative. 

Oh, the days before CGI....

My Thoughts:

Only Ed Wood used stock footage more than Albert Pyun.  I think every exterior shot of the castle came from either an old Dracula or Camelot movie.  Although the one scene showed camels walking around a clearly Arabic city.   

The costumes were an odd mix of Arabic swordsman and English period costumes .  The sets were recycled too, it's odd that a country called  Ehdan would use the same flag as England.  

This movie is filled with plot holes and inconsistencies.   It uses slapstick humor, graphic violence and nudity sometimes in the same scene.

Nothing like a good crucifixion scene.

 

This movie apparently has a huge cult following, but I'm sure it's mainly people who saw it as a kid.  I was eleven when I first saw this, and my only clear memories of it were the sword he used and that there was lots of nudity.   This is one of those films that having seen as a small child you have a very slanted memory of.  

It's worth watching just for the sword cannon scenes, but don't expect much else to be original. 

Drive Angry-2011

You have to love the retro poster.

Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Screenplay by Todd Farmer and Patrick Lussier

The Plot:   Nicholas Cage is John Milton, a thief who drives out of Hell to rescue his granddaughter.  Along the way he gets help from Piper (Amber Heard) an out of work waitress. 


My Thoughts:  This is the perfect marriage of a car chase movie and a horror film.  It's a definite throwback to the Drive-In and Grindhouse days of the 70's.  The action is fast, bloody and without remorse.  Most of the effects on this looked to be more practical than CGI and this really helps the movie keep it's gritty feel. 

John Milton is not happy.

Cage does a great job at playing Milton.  You feel sympathy for him, but he's not a squeaky clean hero.  He's tarnished, but trying to make amends.

Yes, I'd let her pick me up.

Heard is great as the "take no shit" waitress that helps Cage out.  She's far from a victim and manages to do almost as much damage as Cage in the movie.

William Fichtner as Hells Accountant.

Sent to retrieve Milton, the accountant casually manages to steal the show.  He's hilariously funny and coldly menacing all in the same scene.  

Shoot for their tires, and by tires I mean head.

Making his second appearance in a Farmer/Lussier film is horror legend Tom Atkins.  Atkins shows up wearing the greatest T-Shirt ever, and proves he can still kick ass.
Also making a second onscreen appearance is screenwriter Todd Farmer, once again as Frank the trucker. I don't think it's a coincidence that the characters end up in the same situation either.  

"Drive Angry" is a fun fast paced film, that grindhouse fans are sure to enjoy.

Urban Legend-1998

There are a lot of famous faces on this poster.

Director: Jamie Blanks

Writer: Silvio Horta 

The Plot:  A college student is surrounded by deaths that seem to recreations of popular Urban Legends.  

My Thoughts: This movie had the misfortune to come out about a year after "Scream".  The timing caused many people to view it as a "Scream" rip-off.  I didn't think this was the case at all.  I saw this as a slasher film that just tried to set itself apart from others in the genre.  This was really a mystery/slasher film, which I thought worked well. 

As a sound sleeper this one always freaked me out.

At the time this movie was released there weren't whole websites devoted to debunking all the various Urban Legends.  Now when you hear a story that sounds far fetched, a 30 second search can verify it.  Back in 1998, the internet wasn't as widely used as it is now.  The only scene in the movie where people even use the net, has them using dial up.  They got a lot of mileage out people having heard of these stories in their own life. I knew people who had actually heard a lot of these legends and had believed them.   It allowed you to know what was coming next, and it built dread waiting for it.  

One lesson I learned from horror movies, always check the back seat!

 "Urban Legend" certainly had an A-list cast, even if we didn't know it yet in 1998

Alicia Witt as Natalie Simon

Witt played a smart lead that didn't fall into the typical slasher girl mold. She generally made smart choices, and reacted in a realistic way to events.  She never stripped off and had sex while the ax murderer was known to be outside.  

This is not to say that there weren't plenty of stereotypes in the movie.  

Tara Reid played the slutty blond, not for the last time.   

 Long before all her surgery nightmares and public meltdowns Tara Reid  pulled off a decent performance.  At the time I thought she might make a career out of horror films. 

Joshua Jackson and Michael Rosenbaum are the "typical" frat guys. 

 I'm pretty sure Joshua Jackson was looking to do anything that would separate him from his "Dawson's Creek" role, although there was a brief reference to it.  After all his years on "Smallville" it's hard to remember a time when Michael Rosenbaum had hair. 

Probably not her favorite role in a horror film.

"Urban Legend" is also notable as it marked Danielle Harris returning to horror films for the first time since 1989's "Halloween V".  It always struck me odd she did this and then stayed away from horror till the "Halloween" remake.

Jared Leto,  college journalist on a mission.

 Jared Leto played Paul Gardner, the college reporter that Natalie turns to for help.  Like most of the people in the movie he was also a suspect in the murders.  He was one of the ones you thought so unlikely to have done it, they might actually make him the killer.

Robert Englund Professor Wexler.

In reality the most unlikely/likely suspect had to be Robert Englund.  It's always good to see him in roles besides Freddy.

It was a shame that writer Silvio Horta never did another horror flick.  He's had great success with "Ugly Betty" and I'm glad, but wish he would have done some more horror. 

"Urban Legend" is in many ways the last of the mystery/slasher films.  "Scream" has kept going, but very few new ones have come out.  The rise of the so-called "torture porn"  thinned them out.  It's shame, I miss them.