Jess Franco's Count Dracula

Directed by Jess Franco, who is known for his lesbian vampire, cannibal films and nunsploitation films. He tried to do a faithful adaptation of Dracula with this movie, but he didn't quite succeed. The effects, direction and production design really hurt this movie.




Christopher Lee was awesome as Dracula. He's one of the horror actors who always brings dignity to any part he plays. The DVD of this features Lee reading an abridged version of Dracula while posters and images from the movie play. It was a nice touch for the DVD and he does a great job reading it.


Soledad Miranda played Lucy, and while she was sexy, this movie was no "Vampyros Lesbos".


Anyone care to guess who is buried in here?


Seriously, they couldn't find a better coat for this guy?


Please tell me that a stuffed owl isn't about to attack me?


No really, I am.


If they're help him why are they carrying torches during the day and so close to Dracula's coffin?


Oh no! someone took one of our torches and set Dracula on fire, who'd have thought?

Pandorum

What's it about?:
Two crew members (Ben Foster and Dennis Quaid) awaken from hyper-sleep chambers aboard a seemingly abandoned spacecraft. They are suffering from memory loss due to prolonged hyper-sleep and can't remember anything: Who are they? What is their mission? With Lt. Payton (Quaid) staying behind to guide him via com-link, Cpl. Bower (Foster) ventures deep into the ship and begins to uncover a terrifying truth.

My Thoughts: CREEPY AS HELL!

Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster

The idea of going to sleep for who knows how many years is not what creeps me out. It's depending on the people who had the shift before you to do their job while you're asleep that freaks me out. The strange creatures roaming the halls of the ship attacking you at random don't make things any better.

The angry German girl who tries to kill you, it's like high school all over again.

This movie does a great job with creepy atmosphere, the ship reminds me of a mix of the ones from Alien and Event Horizon. When will spaceship designers learn to put 100 watt bulbs in every section of the ship? This movie got a lot of bad reviews and I'm not sure why. Granted they don't do a lot of character development, but part of that comes from the people not knowing who they are.

I thought this was a great B+ sci-fi film that delivered a lot of chills, mystery and twists.

Beating the odds

One of the biggest cliches in horror movies is "The black guy dies first".  It's a cheap way out that tons of horror movies have taken.

There are exceptions of course, and I won't spoil all the movies by listing them.  The thing I find remarkable is that there is one African American actor, who has survived more than one horror movie.  This is an accomplishment that deserves recognition.  Ladies and gentlemen I give you Mr. Keith David.

His voice alone can stop most monsters. 

Keith David's characters have lived to the end of  "The Thing" and "Pitch Black".  David has starred in  over 200 movies and TV episodes including classics such as "They Live" and "Platoon".  Besides voicing Al Simmons in the "Spawn" animated series, his voice work has been featured in several Disney movies.

As a huge fan of "The Thing", "They Live" and "Pitch Black" I think it's overdue he got recognized for breaking this particular cliche.

The Covenant (2006)

First off I had fun at this movie, even though it wasn't that great. I will explain the things I found funny and the general goofiness of "The Covenant".

The school and all it's student uniforms look suspiciously like Hogwarts. Hmm is this a hint of things to come?
It's a high school, but almost everyone lives on campus, but they have no rules. The Dean even talks to one of the Man-Witches about his trip to a local bar and doesn't seem concerned with the legality of this.
The school library apparently gets all it's books from Necronomicon publishing. I love how the school library has all these scary leather bound books about witch-craft, which help to conveniently explain plot points.


These are the two main female leads. They like to dress in sexy lingerie when no one is around. Also the blonde girl can start a whole bar dancing and singing just by playing a Joan Jett song, no witch-craft required. Blonde girl (names are not important in this movie) also does an amazing sexy dance at the drop of a hat, where was she when I went to high school? I might also mention that for a bar that caters to high school students they have a lot of sexy people there who look older than 18, and waitresses who don't wear underwear.


Here we are hanging out at the head Man-Witch house. It has lots of creepy things in it. Like large stuffed tigers. In no way does it look like a typical scary horror movie house.

I won't bother with any specifics of the plot cause, well it is all explained on the poster and trailer.

"In case that you didn't catch all the plot details as we bashed you over the head with them, I'm going to explain them very slowly."

What I wanted an explanation for was why it was raining outside the car, but they drove with top down and didn't get wet? Also the farm house that was in a clearing when they were looking at it two seconds ago, where did it go? They drove away and in the long shot the road is surrounded by trees. Hmm, dark forces are indeed at work here.



I got excited at the shower scene, but then I remembered it was a PG-13 movie. Honestly, would a little side-boob have been too much to ask for? She had a magic back tattoo that seemed to come and go later on.


Um, this is not what it looks like.


I'd make a face like that too if my burning farts were propelling me through the air.

The movie was fun in a goofy way, most people were laughing and cracking jokes during it. It was designed for a pre-teen crowd though. They felt that they had to explain everything to death.

Example:
Blonde girl is shown having a dream about spiders. Later her roommate (token black girl) becomes ill.

Blonde Girl: She's sick what's wrong with her
DR: It's like anaphylactic shock
BG: What's that?
DR: It's an allergic reaction, to something. Like an insect bite, from a spider maybe.
BG: Hmmm

The acting was not that great either. I'm pretty sure they auditioned the guys by asking them to strip, if they had abs that went past their balls, they were hired. I mean seriously slow down on the steroids, they are more dangerous than the witch craft. One of the best badly delivered lines was when they actually had the main man-witch say "My power is greater than yours", myself and two other people in the theater laughed at that.

The Ruins

 
The Story:
Four American friends on vacation in Cancun, Mexico, meet a German tourist that persuades them to join his hunt for his younger brother, who was last seen with his girlfriend near some mysterious ruins.

My Thoughts:
I loved this movie. It was scary, gory, and very tense. I really had no idea what kind of horror was waiting for them in the ruins. I never read the book, so I was just as shocked as they were. The movie has some OMFG cringe moments, that are worse than anything in "Hostel". They are worse because these characters are more developed and you care more about them.

This movie definitely reaffirms my belief that you should ever leave the United States BAD THINGS will happen to you. Of course bad things also happen when you go anywhere isolated in the U.S., so your best bet is to stay in the city, in a bunker.

The Unborn

The Story:
Casey Beldon hated her mother for abandoning her as a child. But when inexplicable events begin to happen, Casey begins to understand why she left. Plagued by merciless dreams and a tortured ghost that haunts her waking hours, she must turn to the only person, Rabbi Sendak, who can make it stop. With the help of Sendak, her best friend Romy and boyfriend Mark, Casey uncovers the source of a family curse dating back to Nazi Germany--a creature with the ability to inhabit anyone or anything that is getting stronger with each possession. With the curse unleashed, her only chance at survival is to shut a doorway from beyond our world that has been pried open by someone who was never born.

My 2 cents
First of all this movie is getting a lot of hate, and I don't think it deserves it. While not the most original horror film ever made, it's certainly not the worst either.

This is one of the few horror movies that takes it's demons and mythology from Judaism instead of Christianity. Gary Oldman does a good job as the Rabbi/Exorcist, but Oldman is the kind of actor who brings respect to anything he's in.

This movie has some amazingly creepy moments in it. The director, David Goyer, creates a very nightmare like atmosphere. There are several "jump" scares and believe me, they work. I'm not sure where they found all the disturbing children for this movie, but keep me away from that school. The ending is something that was hinted at early on and most horror vets can see coming a mile away.

The biggest problem I had with the movie was the feeling things were left out. It felt like many things were cut down or out just left out to get a PG-13. I know that the DVD will be unrated, and that will probably improve things a bit.

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

"Every 23 years, for 23 days, it gets to eat"

 The Plot:

A brother and sister driving home for spring break encounter a creature on an isolated country road.


My Thoughts:
 This movie is as far from the typical horror movie as you can get.  First there are none of the standard horror movie stereotypes.  No nerds, no jocks, no dumb blondes, and no sex starved co-eds.   Instead we have a normal brother and sister just trying to get home for spring break.

I'd just let him pass. 

Horror movies that take place in broad daylight are much more horrifying to me.  You expect things to go bump in the night, not to try and run you down during rush hour. 

Gina Philips and Justin Long during a rare quiet moment.

Trish and Darry generally avoid doing the standard stupid things.  I say generally, because they do one VERY stupid thing that sets the rest of the movie in motion.  Writer/director Victor Salva goes a long way to justify their stupid act, but I'm pretty sure most people would have kept on going.

This is how I picture all hitchhikers.

The "Creeper" himself is a bit of an enigma.  He uses ancient weapons, but he drives a truck.  A truck that looks to be a 1950's model, but drives like it has a jet engine in it.  We never really get a good explanation of the creeper, and that works for me.  The less you know about the boogeyman, the more frightening he is. 

Keeping things focused on the two siblings, raises the tension.    There aren't any extra teens around just to raise the body count. 

As someone who watches a lot of horror movies, one that breaks the mold is refreshing.