Chernobyl Diaries

A lot of people have been calling this "The Hills Have Eyes" in Russia.  I have to disagree with that.  In "The Hills Have Eyes" the characters were in the wrong place in the wrong time.  They didn't willing go into a dangerous area.  The characters in "Chernobyl Diaries" willing went into an area known to be radioactive, with an almost total stranger as a guide.  Even after being told not enter the city by armed Russian soldiers, they still went. 
When the characters take such blatantly stupid actions, it's hard to feel much sympathy for them.  This brings up another problem with this film.  The characters are not very well developed and you never get a real sense of who they are. 

Travel with strangers into a radioactive wasteland, why not?

There are some great locations in the movie that give a real sense of menace, and that's one of it's strengths.  The abandoned urban locale is something not seen often in horror movies, and it was used very effectively here. 
Another good point about this movie is its lack of gore.  There are some gruesome things in the movie, but they are mostly hidden in shadows and never dwelt on.  The "monsters" themselves are rarely seen except in fast glances in shadow.  This enhanced their menace and mystery in my opinion. 
All in all this is not a bad movie, but it doesn't really break any new ground in the horror genre either.  It's also worth noting that despite being called "Chernobyl Diaries" it's not a found footage film.  I have to wonder if they didn't title it this just to try and play the "Paranormal Activity" connection. 

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Tom returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine's night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one will believes he's innocent.

The cast:

Jensen Ackles ... Tom Hanniger
Jaime King ... Sarah Palmer
Kerr Smith ... Axel Palmer
Betsy Rue ... Irene
Tom Atkins ... Burke

Based on the 1981 film of the same name, and directed by Patrick Lussier of "Dracula 2000" fame, or infamy if you prefer.

My Thoughts:
I did manage to see this in 3D and it was a lot of fun. There is nothing like seeing blood and guts come flying out of the screen at you. They don't use the 3D in a way that takes away from the story however and that was good. You could still enjoy this movie in 2D.

I have to give this movie credit for a few things. It actually tried to have developed characters and not just victims. The people getting pick-axed all had back stories and personalities. It gave an air of suspense about who would actually get killed. They avoided most of the horror cliches, and even manage to break a few. The downside is that any horror vet will will see the ending coming a mile away. That was the biggest flaw to me, they didn't really shock you with who the killer was.

They went old school with the gore and kills for this one. I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't say much. The pick-axe is used frequently, but some other imaginative things are used too.

Another thing is that it was great to see horror vet Tom Atkins again. After starring in some true horror classics he has been absent for a while. He of course plays the retired sheriff of the town, a role he has played some variation of many times before.

L-R Kerr Smith, Tom Atkins, Jamie King


Jamie King and Jensen Ackles are passable as the couple torn apart by the original tragedy only to be reunited by the current murder spree. Some of their dialogue delivery is a little flat, but this isn't high art here.

The biggest shock to me in this film was Betsy Rue. She wins the award for NAKED OF THE YEAR, hands down. Her scene of full frontal nudity clocks in at over five minutes.

It was not tough to watch her in this scene.

I was shocked that the scene just kept going, it was not a time to leave for more popcorn

Also, does any else find it odd that Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, who appear together in "Supernatural", are both starring separately in holiday themed horror movies? Okay, "Friday the 13th" is not a holiday, except among horror fans, but it's a "date" themed horror movie still.

This movie manages to surpass the original in my opinion. It added more depth to the characters and story. A great popcorn movie and a great entry in the slasher genre.

Diary of the Dead

 

The Story: A group of film students are making an independent horror film when they become trapped in a world being consumed by flesh-eating zombies. They then turn their attention toward making the film into a documentary on their personal horror experiences.

The Good:
This movie is a fan-boys dream when it comes to zombie disposal. If you've ever thought "I wonder if a BLANK to the head would kill a zombie" they probably do it in this movie. The effects were truly top notch. Part of it was that the grainy look of the video camera POV shots help hide any imperfections. Also when you see this, you will never forget Samuel the Amish guy.

The Bad:
There is some truly bad dialogue and acting in this film. "Oh no, I have just killed three human beings in five minutes. What does that make me?" Was it really necessary to say it? Couldn't this have been better shown by the persons body language and demeanor?

The Ugly:
This did not feel like a Romero zombie movie. Where were the likable characters? Where was the horror? They had some great gore, but nothing made me jump or even twitch during this whole film. The whole film being shown from the cameras POV got ridiculous after a while as well. No one would keep filming while they or their friends were being attacked by zombies. If some friend of mine did keep filming and not even try to help while I was being attacked, well we wouldn't be friends anymore. All in all this was a very disappointing entry into the Romero zombie mythos.

Jess Franco's Count Dracula

Directed by Jess Franco, who is known for his lesbian vampire, cannibal films and nunsploitation films. He tried to do a faithful adaptation of Dracula with this movie, but he didn't quite succeed. The effects, direction and production design really hurt this movie.




Christopher Lee was awesome as Dracula. He's one of the horror actors who always brings dignity to any part he plays. The DVD of this features Lee reading an abridged version of Dracula while posters and images from the movie play. It was a nice touch for the DVD and he does a great job reading it.


Soledad Miranda played Lucy, and while she was sexy, this movie was no "Vampyros Lesbos".


Anyone care to guess who is buried in here?


Seriously, they couldn't find a better coat for this guy?


Please tell me that a stuffed owl isn't about to attack me?


No really, I am.


If they're help him why are they carrying torches during the day and so close to Dracula's coffin?


Oh no! someone took one of our torches and set Dracula on fire, who'd have thought?

Pandorum

What's it about?:
Two crew members (Ben Foster and Dennis Quaid) awaken from hyper-sleep chambers aboard a seemingly abandoned spacecraft. They are suffering from memory loss due to prolonged hyper-sleep and can't remember anything: Who are they? What is their mission? With Lt. Payton (Quaid) staying behind to guide him via com-link, Cpl. Bower (Foster) ventures deep into the ship and begins to uncover a terrifying truth.

My Thoughts: CREEPY AS HELL!

Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster

The idea of going to sleep for who knows how many years is not what creeps me out. It's depending on the people who had the shift before you to do their job while you're asleep that freaks me out. The strange creatures roaming the halls of the ship attacking you at random don't make things any better.

The angry German girl who tries to kill you, it's like high school all over again.

This movie does a great job with creepy atmosphere, the ship reminds me of a mix of the ones from Alien and Event Horizon. When will spaceship designers learn to put 100 watt bulbs in every section of the ship? This movie got a lot of bad reviews and I'm not sure why. Granted they don't do a lot of character development, but part of that comes from the people not knowing who they are.

I thought this was a great B+ sci-fi film that delivered a lot of chills, mystery and twists.

Beating the odds

One of the biggest cliches in horror movies is "The black guy dies first".  It's a cheap way out that tons of horror movies have taken.

There are exceptions of course, and I won't spoil all the movies by listing them.  The thing I find remarkable is that there is one African American actor, who has survived more than one horror movie.  This is an accomplishment that deserves recognition.  Ladies and gentlemen I give you Mr. Keith David.

His voice alone can stop most monsters. 

Keith David's characters have lived to the end of  "The Thing" and "Pitch Black".  David has starred in  over 200 movies and TV episodes including classics such as "They Live" and "Platoon".  Besides voicing Al Simmons in the "Spawn" animated series, his voice work has been featured in several Disney movies.

As a huge fan of "The Thing", "They Live" and "Pitch Black" I think it's overdue he got recognized for breaking this particular cliche.

The Covenant (2006)

First off I had fun at this movie, even though it wasn't that great. I will explain the things I found funny and the general goofiness of "The Covenant".

The school and all it's student uniforms look suspiciously like Hogwarts. Hmm is this a hint of things to come?
It's a high school, but almost everyone lives on campus, but they have no rules. The Dean even talks to one of the Man-Witches about his trip to a local bar and doesn't seem concerned with the legality of this.
The school library apparently gets all it's books from Necronomicon publishing. I love how the school library has all these scary leather bound books about witch-craft, which help to conveniently explain plot points.


These are the two main female leads. They like to dress in sexy lingerie when no one is around. Also the blonde girl can start a whole bar dancing and singing just by playing a Joan Jett song, no witch-craft required. Blonde girl (names are not important in this movie) also does an amazing sexy dance at the drop of a hat, where was she when I went to high school? I might also mention that for a bar that caters to high school students they have a lot of sexy people there who look older than 18, and waitresses who don't wear underwear.


Here we are hanging out at the head Man-Witch house. It has lots of creepy things in it. Like large stuffed tigers. In no way does it look like a typical scary horror movie house.

I won't bother with any specifics of the plot cause, well it is all explained on the poster and trailer.

"In case that you didn't catch all the plot details as we bashed you over the head with them, I'm going to explain them very slowly."

What I wanted an explanation for was why it was raining outside the car, but they drove with top down and didn't get wet? Also the farm house that was in a clearing when they were looking at it two seconds ago, where did it go? They drove away and in the long shot the road is surrounded by trees. Hmm, dark forces are indeed at work here.



I got excited at the shower scene, but then I remembered it was a PG-13 movie. Honestly, would a little side-boob have been too much to ask for? She had a magic back tattoo that seemed to come and go later on.


Um, this is not what it looks like.


I'd make a face like that too if my burning farts were propelling me through the air.

The movie was fun in a goofy way, most people were laughing and cracking jokes during it. It was designed for a pre-teen crowd though. They felt that they had to explain everything to death.

Example:
Blonde girl is shown having a dream about spiders. Later her roommate (token black girl) becomes ill.

Blonde Girl: She's sick what's wrong with her
DR: It's like anaphylactic shock
BG: What's that?
DR: It's an allergic reaction, to something. Like an insect bite, from a spider maybe.
BG: Hmmm

The acting was not that great either. I'm pretty sure they auditioned the guys by asking them to strip, if they had abs that went past their balls, they were hired. I mean seriously slow down on the steroids, they are more dangerous than the witch craft. One of the best badly delivered lines was when they actually had the main man-witch say "My power is greater than yours", myself and two other people in the theater laughed at that.