John Dies at the End

It's a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can't.

This is the horror movie I am most looking forward to this year.  Based on the novel by David Wong it looks to be the best horror/comedy since "Army of Darkness".  If you haven't read the book yet, go get it and read it. 
If the movie can manage to be half as simultaneously funny/scary/weird as the book it will be and instant classic.  I trust Don Coscarelli and since he was able to pull off "Bubba Ho-Tep" I think he will do a great job here.  

Babysitter Wanted

The Story: In a small college town, a young girl working on a babysitting job in a rural farm is terrorized throughout the night.

My Thoughts: If you're thinking the plot of this movie sounds familiar, it is very similar to "House of The Devil". The movies are very close in plot and pacing, until roughly the 45 minute mark in "Babysitter Wanted". It's there that that movie takes a twist. Now any genre fan worth their salt will have seen the twist coming a mile away. It's what the movie does with the twist that separates it from other films. This movie doesn't end with the twist, it seems to relax and have fun with it. I was honestly a little bored with it, and the shift in style got me more interested.


Sarah Thompson does a great job as Angie. He character is a very devout Catholic, and you can see her having to wrestle with some of the choices she's forced to make. It was different to see a character portrayed as very religious, and they weren't there to be a sacrificial virgin or loose their virginity and immediately die.

I liked this movie a lot, but be warned it does drag a bit at the beginning.

The Burning

The Plot:
A janitor at a summer camp is accidentally burned severely from a prank. Years later, he is released from an institute, and returns to the camp with a pair of hedge clippers to take revenge on the campers.

The Cast:
Most of the cast are people you never heard of before or since, but there are a few exceptions.
Brian Baker
Jason Alexander
Holly Hunter
Fisher Stevens
Ned Eisenberg

My Thoughts:
This is the perfect example of the early 80's slasher movie. You take people who are obviously too old to be in summer camp and mix them with a few real kids and pretend like it's all cool. I never heard of a summer camp where you could smoke and read penthouse while you played cards. Camp Stonebrook has a pretty liberal co-ed policy as well. Since most of the campers appear to be about 25, I guess that would make sense.

The acting in this is horrible. It never even achieves porno quality, at least the porno people look like they are enjoying themselves. Tom Savini did the make-up and "horror sequences" according to the credits, and has a great interview on the DVD about the movie.

The killer in this is really clever, he can manage to hid himself inside a sleeping bag with another person AND NO ONE NOTICES!!

I love Tom Savini, but even the effects were not enough to save this movie.

The clip below is a good illustration of how cheesy/bad this movie is.  

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Before I go any further I should say something. I liked the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". I thought it was a great horror movie, I even liked it better than the original. That said, I wasn't very fond of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning".

 "My name is Gunnery Sgt. Hartman" is all I can think when I see this.

 

R. Lee Ermey was great in the remake, but in this he seemed to be more evil than Leatherface. It was sad to see this guy be scarier than the giant chainsaw wielding mutant.

Jordana Brewster while cute, was not as appealing as Jessica Biel or as good an actress sadly. Her character was almost a copy of Biel's from the remake. She and Mathew Bomer even have the same "just about to get engaged" plot as Biel and Mike Vogel from the remake.


This might have been the photo that got Diora Baird the part in the movie.

There were plenty of uncomfortable scenes in this movie, but the one after this one was just boring. Watching R. Lee Ermey yell at someone and hit them while they do push-ups was great in "Full Metal Jacket" but just silly here.


This part allowed for Brewster to escape, make it to another town and bring in the cavalry. She didn't do that, she instead relied on the scary biker guy to save the day. Never depend on a biker to save the day, unless he's in "The Sons of Anarchy".


Another disappointing thing about this movie was the way Leatherface was presented. In the remake and the original, Leatherface was like a force of nature. He chased you down and dismembered you, old school murder at it's finest. In this one he did that Jason Voorhees teleportation trick. He's running behind the person, then BAM he's in front of them. Now, there was no way to get around them that we could see, yet somehow he managed.

The background of the family was a little to neat as well.  It made it seem that the whole murder spree could be explained by just one bad day. 

I would have much rather seen a sequel to the remake than a prequel to it.  They could have explored what happened to Leatherface after he lost his arm, maybe showed Biel's character go back for revenge.  I'm not opposed to remakes, but prequels to remakes are never a good idea.  

Lifeforce

 

The Plot: 

A group of space vampires return to earth and unleash an apocalypse.




My Thoughts:
I first saw this movie at the Drive-In when I was about 14. I hadn't watched it since then and I wanted to give another look, since it had been restored with more footage. I was surprised that John Larroquette did the opening narration. It was cut from the original and restored for this DVD release. I think he must be friends with Tobe Hooper.

I didn't quite remember some of the funny stuff about this movie either.
These are just some random observations about the movie.


The mysterious spaceship that is inside Halley's comet. It is supposed to be 150 miles long. For being 21 years old the visual effects in this movie stand up very well.


When the astronauts enter the ship, is it just me or does it look like, no it couldn't be, could it?


Oh wait, yes it is.


Once inside the ship they discover three humans. First rule of space travel, never pick up hitchhikers, especially naked ones.


Back on earth they start to come around. Is it odd that her boobs look the same in zero-gravity and on earth?


The guy guarding her is the first to go, but come on, who wouldn't have tried hit that?


The other guards try to lure her in with a cookie. I'll let you guess what happens to them.


After they are drained of their "lifeforce" the victims look like this. This is a pretty damned creepy effect.


The main character has this dream a lot. Which is something we both had in common in 1985.


Greetings pre-Picard Patrick Stewart. You will certainly bring some dignity to this movie.


Damn, wrong again.


Okay, the first mannequin of you wasn't great, but why did it suddenly grow more hair and change suits?


If you have ever wondered what a girl made out of Patrick Stewart's guts would look like, well here she is.


You'd make that face too if you watched Stewart's guts get ripped out and turned into a woman.

I would say that this movie is worth watching, just for nudity and laughs if nothing else. I certainly enjoyed it. It comes from some pretty respected people too.

Directed by
Tobe Hooper

Writing credits
Colin Wilson (novel The Space Vampires)

Dan O'Bannon (screenplay) &
Don Jakoby (screenplay)

Dan O'Bannon is of course the writer of Alien and we all know about Tobe Hooper.

The movie is based off this novel, which was also the movie title until the studio wanted to go with something that sounded less like a low budget movie.


Here is an alternate movie poster. Very subtle I think, lol. They proclaimed the movie the cinematic Sci-Fi event of the 80's, I guess they missed the mark on that one.

Chernobyl Diaries

A lot of people have been calling this "The Hills Have Eyes" in Russia.  I have to disagree with that.  In "The Hills Have Eyes" the characters were in the wrong place in the wrong time.  They didn't willing go into a dangerous area.  The characters in "Chernobyl Diaries" willing went into an area known to be radioactive, with an almost total stranger as a guide.  Even after being told not enter the city by armed Russian soldiers, they still went. 
When the characters take such blatantly stupid actions, it's hard to feel much sympathy for them.  This brings up another problem with this film.  The characters are not very well developed and you never get a real sense of who they are. 

Travel with strangers into a radioactive wasteland, why not?

There are some great locations in the movie that give a real sense of menace, and that's one of it's strengths.  The abandoned urban locale is something not seen often in horror movies, and it was used very effectively here. 
Another good point about this movie is its lack of gore.  There are some gruesome things in the movie, but they are mostly hidden in shadows and never dwelt on.  The "monsters" themselves are rarely seen except in fast glances in shadow.  This enhanced their menace and mystery in my opinion. 
All in all this is not a bad movie, but it doesn't really break any new ground in the horror genre either.  It's also worth noting that despite being called "Chernobyl Diaries" it's not a found footage film.  I have to wonder if they didn't title it this just to try and play the "Paranormal Activity" connection. 

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Tom returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine's night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one will believes he's innocent.

The cast:

Jensen Ackles ... Tom Hanniger
Jaime King ... Sarah Palmer
Kerr Smith ... Axel Palmer
Betsy Rue ... Irene
Tom Atkins ... Burke

Based on the 1981 film of the same name, and directed by Patrick Lussier of "Dracula 2000" fame, or infamy if you prefer.

My Thoughts:
I did manage to see this in 3D and it was a lot of fun. There is nothing like seeing blood and guts come flying out of the screen at you. They don't use the 3D in a way that takes away from the story however and that was good. You could still enjoy this movie in 2D.

I have to give this movie credit for a few things. It actually tried to have developed characters and not just victims. The people getting pick-axed all had back stories and personalities. It gave an air of suspense about who would actually get killed. They avoided most of the horror cliches, and even manage to break a few. The downside is that any horror vet will will see the ending coming a mile away. That was the biggest flaw to me, they didn't really shock you with who the killer was.

They went old school with the gore and kills for this one. I don't want to spoil anything, so I won't say much. The pick-axe is used frequently, but some other imaginative things are used too.

Another thing is that it was great to see horror vet Tom Atkins again. After starring in some true horror classics he has been absent for a while. He of course plays the retired sheriff of the town, a role he has played some variation of many times before.

L-R Kerr Smith, Tom Atkins, Jamie King


Jamie King and Jensen Ackles are passable as the couple torn apart by the original tragedy only to be reunited by the current murder spree. Some of their dialogue delivery is a little flat, but this isn't high art here.

The biggest shock to me in this film was Betsy Rue. She wins the award for NAKED OF THE YEAR, hands down. Her scene of full frontal nudity clocks in at over five minutes.

It was not tough to watch her in this scene.

I was shocked that the scene just kept going, it was not a time to leave for more popcorn

Also, does any else find it odd that Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, who appear together in "Supernatural", are both starring separately in holiday themed horror movies? Okay, "Friday the 13th" is not a holiday, except among horror fans, but it's a "date" themed horror movie still.

This movie manages to surpass the original in my opinion. It added more depth to the characters and story. A great popcorn movie and a great entry in the slasher genre.